You So Sexy …

I was recently scrolling through posts on that great time waste known as Facebook. These days social media is more about rants, political sparring, kitties and memes meant to guilt people into clicking ‘like’ and sharing or you aren’t a good christian, satanists, republicrat, dog lover, kid lover, spouse lover, friend, parent, child and over all human being. So, imagine my surprise when I came across one of the many posts that is meant to be funny but usually isn’t. This one, however, caught my eye.

It’s probably because of the title: HOW SEXY IS YOUR NAME?

Ohhhhhh … intrigue had me at sexy. 

First, I am going to put this out there: you are only as sexy as you allow yourself to believe you are. No one can change that for you. I’m the sexiest thing since sliced bread. Yeah, that’s all sorts of sexy right there. Just don’t get me wet—I get all soggy when that happens.

According to the post you add up the numbers associated with the letters in your first name using the chart provided. There were four levels of sexiness, which I will recap here for you:

Under 60 points = Not Too Sexy

61-300 points = Pretty Sexy

301-600 = Very Sexy

Above 601 = The Ultimate Sexiest

Seriously? The ultimate sexiness is a score of 601 points or better? I don’t think so. Your name needs to rock it if you are going to be that sexy. I’m going to create my own categories here:

Under 60 points = Sorry, Charlie. You Didn’t Make The Cut, But The Cat Still Likes You.

61-300 points = Okay, So You’re Sexy

301-600 = Better Than Average Sexy

601-1000 = Oh Yeah, That’s Mm Mm Sexy 

1001-1500 = So Sexy Hot That If I Touch You I Will Burn My Fingers

1501 + = Goddess 

Screen Shot 2018-11-20 at 1.43.51 PM

First off, the name Jeff is short. Still, I can get 15 points a letter, right? Well, when I looked at the chart and saw that the F is worth only 12 points, I wasn’t so sure. The last two letters of my name accounted for a total of 24 points. I was starting to think it was just going to be me and the cat. The J was worth 100 points and the E was worth a whopping 145, for a grand total of 269. 

Sheesh. Okay, so I’m sexy, but I’m not better than average sexy, but I already knew that. 

So, I took the short version of my wife’s name since that is what she likes to go by. Just the T alone in the name CATE was worth 405 points. The C was worth only 19 points, but the A was worth 100 and the E was 145. My wife more than doubled my score at a robust 659. For those keeping score at home, that means my wife, using the name I call her is Oh Yeah, That’s Mm Mm Sexy. I’m good with that. I’ve always known she was the sexier or the two of us. I’m good with that. I said I’m good with that. Really. I am.

For toots and giggles I decided to figure out the score for her full first name: Catherine. I’m not doing the breakdown here, but just know that her total came out to a colossal 1874 points. Yes, my wife is a GODDESS. Let me do the math for you here. My wife is almost 7 times sexier than I am. I’m a lucky man. I’m a man who’s lucky. 

I knew this already, but clearly I needed social media to confirm it for me, because, you know, if it’s on Facebook it has to be true. I will say this: my wife is a goddess and I am a lucky man. Now, back to goofing off, scrolling through posts and doing nothing productive. Until we meet again, my friends, be kind to one another.


(PS: If you want to figure out how sexy you are, just use the image above and post your totals below. Come on. Someone has to join me in the next to last category …)